It took me a long time to get here

It’s done. I’m done. Sigh. Relief. Shock. Wonder. Excitement. I’m ready for the next step.

I’m crying (I know, shocker. LOL) tears of joy and maybe a few of tears of shock. “Ooh my gosh! This is really happening. I did it!” My letter has been signed, sealed and delivered. I resigned from my schoolteacher job. It’s done. I’m done. I’m freeeeeeee!

It took me a long time to get here.

I have a few hours left of school and then I will walk away from a job I held for 19 years. 19 years! I will walk away from a campus that I have been a part of for 26 years. I will walk away from a school district that I have been a part of for 32 years. I have been in this school system for a long, long time. It will feel odd saying my final goodbyes. And I suspect it won’t fully sink in until September when everyone is gearing up to return to school, and I am not. But I am ready for my next journey. I trust that my soul has led me here and my soul will lead me to my next step. (As long as I continue to listen and trust my Soul voice). I trust that I will be okay even when fear pops in here and there.

Time is a funny thing. It doesn’t feel like I’ve committed 19 years to teaching (sprinkle in some coaching too). It doesn’t feel like the end. It feels like the beginning. It’s exciting and I’m ready to take this leap. These feelings have not come easy, however. There were days when I let fear take over and try to talk me out of following my dreams. A few times here and there, I let fear drive the car and dismissed my soul voice. Those days felt yucky. Those were the dreary days. Those were the days where I was just getting by. Those were the days where joy was lacking. Fear brought me down. Fear held me back, until I said NO MORE!

Teaching always felt like my calling. It always felt so easy to me. It always felt like ‘my thing,’ until it didn’t. The feelings I had about my teaching job began to change about 3 years ago. I stopped skipping, literally skipping, down the halls of the high school. I stopped visiting with my colleagues. I stopped feeling like myself. I had always loved my job and I had a smile on my face most days. I was the one cracking jokes at staff meetings. I was the one making light of heavy energy in a room. That changed and I’m not exactly sure when/where, but I FELT different. I wasn’t excited about teaching in the school anymore. I wasn’t excited about going to work. What the heck was ‘wrong’ with me? I began to lean into my spiritual side and kept getting the same answer when I asked my Spirit Guides and God what to do. They all said, “It’s time for a change.” I felt that, for sure! I felt like I needed to leave my traditional teaching job and move into my Tranquil Blue business full-time. But I was scared. I spun that fear into all sorts of ‘what ifs’. It was brutal. It was exhausting. I remember staring in the mirror bawling my eyes out asking for help and guidance. What should I do? I’m so confused.

Looking back, I realized the joy I held for my teaching job left me about 3 years ago. I can remember specific moments where I FELT the shift. I was sitting in the gym, watching my 6th grade phys. ed. class play a game of Castle ball. I remember daydreaming briefly and thinking, “I’m bored. Is this it? Is this my life? Is this what life is all about? Is this what I was meant to do? Am I really making a difference?” In that moment, something changed. I gave myself permission to ask questions of my life choices. Am I happy? I started asking myself: is this REALLY what I want? Is this REALLY what I was meant to do here (on Earth)? Am I really ‘supposed to’ do the same thing for 30 years? Am I really going to be sitting in this same gym, playing the same games with the kids, year after year? That thought scared me. I knew deep down, my answer was no. But, how do I create the shift? How do I start my exit? Can I leave? I started to feel the fear, again. I started to play the ‘what if’ game, again. What if I didn’t stay in this job until I was ‘eligible’ to retire? What if I quit? What would my day look like? What would my life look like? How would this change my family life? Who will support me? What will they say? How could I make this work? Something shifted in me that day. I began to reflect on my purpose. I began to ask myself, “What is my purpose in this lifetime? Why am I here? What am I doing? What do I want?” Deep thoughts began to form more and more. I began to question my purpose more and more.

Some days, I’d let fear creep in and take over. Fear was successful many days in pushing my thoughts of leaving my job aside. I’d make excuses. I’d tell myself lies to keep me in this safe, secure, fear-free space. Often times, I simply chalked up my thoughts of leaving to it being ‘that time of year.’ I’d chalk it up to Monday morning fatigue. I’d chalk it up to it being April and we (teachers and students) all get a bit stir crazy in April. I found myself thinking more about not working and the weekends, and when I could retire, than to being fully present in my job. I simply did not want to be there anymore. But being the responsible, dedicated teacher that I am, I stayed and pushed through and continued to do my best. I put on a smile and went to work. I continued to do my thing and push through even while the thoughts and questions continued.

As the days and months went by, the thoughts of me possibly leaving my teaching job grew. I started to FEEL the thoughts a bit more. I felt fear, but excitement. I began to listen and pay attention a bit more. My intuition continued to download thoughts of what if…
Why was I here? What is my purpose? This (school teaching) doesn’t feel like it’s IT anymore. Was it ever?

Fast forward to today. As I make my final walk down the halls, I don’t feel like I’m even there. I feel so disconnected from it all. Some may say it’s a defense mechanism, but I think it’s because my soul left my teaching job awhile ago. My physical body shows up everyday to finish out the year, but my true essence, my true being, my soul, is no longer there. After a lot of inner work and soul searching, I finally realized that I GET TO CHOOSE! No one else will make the choice for me. No one else can make the choice for me. It’s MY choice. I get to choose my life. I get to choose to be happy. I get to choose it all. What a simple thing, right? I. GET. TO. CHOOSE! And I choose joy! As soon as I made the decision to leave, I felt a tremendous relief. A huge weight had been lifted from me. I gave myself permission to be happy. I gave myself permission to follow my dreams. Sigh.

As I began to dive deeper into my psychic medium work/healing work and as I began to dive deeper into my spiritual, and intuitive coaching work, I rediscovered my love of teaching. I really do love to teach, but now I want to teach about topics I love. I want to teach on my own terms. I want to teach about what I am truly passionate about. I want to help people. I want to teach people that WANT to learn from me. I want to teach people about their own spiritual side and the gifts they were given. YES! You too have gifts that are waiting to be discovered and used to help you find joy!

Last April, I took the leap and launched my very first online course titled: Developing your Intuition. It was amazing! I felt joy again. I felt like what I had to say and teach mattered. I felt like I had found my purpose. And, I had so much fun with an amazing group of women! I cared again about my job. I loved my job again. What a concept?! I forgot what that work joy felt like. I forgot what it felt like to WANT to go to work. I find myself running to my office even on Sunday mornings because I cannot wait to get to work. Now that’s LOVE! I have found my joy. I love what I do! I mean, seriously! Who wouldn’t LOVE working with amazing, curious, spiritual, soul-searching, joy-seeking people (living and deceased. lol. Sorry. Just a little psychic medium humor here).

Looking back on the last three years, I understand everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to. Of course, it did! I trust in Divine intervention and Divine timing. I know I am exactly where I need to be. I know everything up to this point happened to lead me here. There are no coincidences. I am blessed and thankful to be guided on my new path.

If you are struggling with a big decision, let me support you. Please reach out. I know what you are going through. I understand how you feel. Divine guidance is a beautiful thing.

It took me a long time to get here. But I’m here. I’m doing it. I’m following my heart, my dream, my passion. When is it your turn to do the same?